


Trumpocalypse Rap

by FayJay



Category: Original Work
Genre: Don’t copy to another site, Gen, It started as a filk of Hamilton, Original work - Freeform, Poetry, Rap, but careened off the rails
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-07 03:46:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20302936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FayJay/pseuds/FayJay
Summary: During the 2016 Primaries, before The Donald had been chosen as GOP candidate, I wrote this, after a friend wrote the first couple of lines (or something like them) on Twitter, iirc, as a joking spin on Lin Manuel Miranda’s song “Alexander Hamilton.”It seemed frighteningly clear to me back then, even as a British lady working in East Africa, what direction things were heading, even though a lot of my friends were all “no, no, he’s a joke candidate, don’t worry, it’ll never happen.”And now it’s 2019, and there are concentration camps in the USA, and so much more, and I look back at this and I’m like - well, shit, girl. You were not wrong.(Please note - although at the time I could not resist the Aaron Burr allusion, given that it started out as a Hamilton filk, I very much fear that the only thing *worse* that The Donald being POTUS would be The Donald being assassinated into martyrdom.





	Trumpocalypse Rap

https://www.dropbox.com/s/h4usiqfob08caf3/Trumpocalypse%20Rap.mp3?dl=0

(Audio version)

_In which I am not Lin-Manuel Miranda, and The Donald is not Alexander Hamilton:_

How does a  
Racist, fascist  
Reality star  
And shameless conman  
Dropped in the  
Middle of a top notch viewing  
Slot by the media and  
Beamed onto billions of  
Screens in memes  
Unendingly pretending to redeem  
The American Dream  
By screaming screeds  
Of abuse  
Jovial and obtuse  
Huffing and puffing  
Like a  
Steam train  
Gathering speed  
Somehow succeed  
in exceeding the competition

Show  
He can blow  
Rubio and Cruz away  
Leave Carson  
far behind  
On Super Tuesday?

2

How can it be  
The American people  
Flock like Orwellian sheep all  
Baring their vulnerable throats  
Offering up all their votes  
To a cheat,  
A Wolf of Wallstreet  
Who forges doctor's notes  
And gloats upon the TV

A platform that's  
All mockery  
A glittering crock  
Of shock tactics  
And locker room talk  
Of his cock  
And tictacs  
upon the TV

This master of baiting  
dumb-ass debating  
Understands too cannily  
Just what they want to hear  
Feeding into fear  
Just to keep him on the news  
Doesn't care what's true  
Only what will win more views

3

This narcissistic dick  
Doesn't miss a trick  
This Donald doesn't give a fuck  
Won't duck any chance  
To raise his profile higher  
Trumpeting his name  
This serial liar  
Utters anything that enters his head  
Forgets what he just said  
Contradicts himself five times in one sentence  
Without repentance  
Knows that all the cameras crave  
Is a car crash  
Cheap trash  
He's an entertainer  
It's a no brainer  
Politics is boring  
sends us snoring  
But celebrity  
Will always sell  
pretty well

4

Hell they'd vote for  
Kim Kardashian's  
Plump rump  
If it were running  
they'd love  
Another ex-actor  
A jumped-up X-Factor winner  
Grinning out from the podium  
Master to their dumb Apprentices  
Who cares where integrity went, it's  
Time to vote  
for their favourite voice:  
Who makes the most noise?

So he plays to the crowd  
They like him loud  
And proud and cruel too,  
They think that crass means true,  
Never mind his lack of policies  
His promises are  
Puffs of air  
Fake as his hair.

5

Yet  
All the world's his stage  
And he's  
The most outrageous player  
Lifts his hands in prayer  
Even as he preaches hate  
Promises he'll grant their wishes  
Spreading fear and dread  
Instead of bread and fishes  
A vicious bread-and- circus act  
To confounds us  
and jerk us around  
While his hand's  
Sliding sly  
Up the skirts  
Of Lady Liberty  
Taking liberties,  
Dampening her lamp,  
Determined to defy  
This history of immigration  
Building a nation  
That grew civilised  
Recognised  
Civil rights  
Stood up tall  
Fought for justice for all  
Just as the Founding Fathers  
Aspired to do,  
Inspiring others too.

But not him.  
He's refusing refuge  
For the wretched refuse  
Of each teeming shore;  
Grabbing Liberty by her golden door  
And slamming it closed  
And if she tries to get fussy  
When he snatches at her pussy  
Just like he boasted  
on Bush's bus  
He'll shout  
about ISIS  
Claim this  
is a crisis  
Just like he usually does.

6

How does this clown  
Keep confounding  
All his critics' expectations?  
How  
Has this litigious  
Irreligious  
C-list celebrity,  
This ham-fisted  
Beast  
With no  
Political experience at all  
Become  
Belle  
of the Republican ball?

How can this  
Dim hate-monger  
Demonstrate  
Success in state after state?  
Dominate the  
entire US  
election process  
Building his brand  
like a religion?  
Selling selfishness?

7

Like saying the unsayable  
And speaking his changing mind  
Is somehow a sign  
Of moral probity,  
Like throwing temper tantrums  
In the spotlight  
Venting spite  
And showing neither  
Grace nor graciousness  
Can make this pompous fat cat  
one of us?

How can it be  
That this demagog's  
Barnumesque posturing  
Can succeed in fostering  
A clear atmosphere  
Of resentment and fear  
Hardening the hearts and minds  
Of ardent followers  
Against any kind  
Of kindness  
Or decency?  
While he wallows gleefully  
In the admiration  
Of this mindless mob

Who meekly swallow  
Every hollow boast he spits?

How can we all simply watch  
As he slithers on,  
unstoppable,  
To sieze the most important job of all?

How does this bloated  
Egotistical figure-of-fun  
Blow Bush out of the water,  
A nepotist to the slaughter,  
Cruise past that crazy Cruz  
On the news  
And leave Rubio  
In the dust like a rube?

8

How does this four-times bankrupt  
Avatar of capitalist greed  
and self-serving exploitation  
win the hearts and minds  
Of the heartland of the nation?

Ride the tide  
of bruised  
White supremacist pride  
towards the White House  
Like a tsunami  
A buffoon army  
Charmed by his smarmy promises? 

And Evangelists are praising  
This plutocrat for president  
Ignoring inconvenient  
Metaphors  
Of camels and needles' eyes  
They say we'll all be  
Better for  
This capitalist on Capitol Hill  
A draft-dodging warmonger  
in the oval office  
That the King of Love  
Jesus Christ  
would jump off his  
Holy ass just to  
vote Trump in as president  
They're saying Trump is heaven-sent:  
That that brown-skinned  
Middle-Eastern Socialist  
(Whose fundamental teaching  
The point of all his preaching  
Was the absolute primacy  
Of love  
And compassion  
Not money, fame or fashion)  
Would lend his support  
To a crass candidate  
Whose crass candied words  
Stir crass candid hate  
Whose celebrity status  
And standup comedy routine  
On the screen  
Is standing in for standards  
or for any kind  
of meaningful platform meant  
to represent  
A sincere and coherent  
system of values and beliefs? 

Good grief.

If you're wondering  
What Jesus Christ would do  
Here's a tip  
He'd grab a whip  
And chase this vicious  
Avaricious  
Money changer  
Right onto the street.  
Ask the Pope  
If you need chapter and verse  
There's precedent  
For Jesus flipping tables  
But not for sucking up to Caesar  
Sieze a history book  
Take a look  
His story's not just stars and stables  
This is not the president  
That Christ would pick  
If He were able,

9

An ego so big  
It dwarfs his own tower,  
a craze for power  
and the manners of a classic  
male chauvenist pig,  
A narcissistic joke  
who shows his true colours  
to poke and prod and provoke  
His devoted followers' rage and fury,  
No need for judge or jury,  
Bullying and belittling,  
Tweeting shit on twitter  
Caught courting the Klan  
Running a scam  
With a fake university

Cheerfully announces  
That he'd date his own daughter  
If she wasn't his daughter,  
Flamboyantly playing to his audience  
With every bawdy word  
Blatantly absurd  
Just like Hitler  
With his Charlie Chaplin moustache:  
Too ridiculous and brash  
To take seriously.

A coarse cartoon figure  
Hollering caustic hate

Do you really want to wait  
and see if this one  
can also cause  
A holocaust?

10

Impossible to conceive  
How anyone could believe  
In Trump for president,  
How anyone could fall  
For all that cartoon bluster and gall  
All that boastful rhetoric  
That offers no coherent plan at all  
Beyond becoming the planet's  
All-powerful man,  
Promising he'll be the biggest bully  
In the room  
Make the bombs go boom  
Lock up leaders overseas  
Bring countries to their knees  
Break up NATO treaties  
Rush to cosy up with Russia  
And with North Korea  
Says we've nothing to fear  
From a leader  
Who admires dictatorships  
Chips away at democracy  
Piece by piece  
Abandons peace  
Promises walls, not bridges,  
Promises it will all be  
Pie in the sky  
If you raise him up high.

He's making America hate again  
making it irate again  
Implies it will all be all right when  
He makes America white again

11

Oh yes  
This king-sized  
Orange-faced clown  
Of a travelling salesman,  
This crass fast-talker  
Whose will to power is off the scale,  
This squawking porker,  
This classic classless "alpha male"  
Will magically  
Make everything better,  
This debt-riddled jet-setter  
Will make America feel strong  
And powerful,  
After so long  
Feeling uncertain where they stand;  
Tapping into nostalgia for  
Ronald Reagan  
The cowboy with the star wars Ray Gun,  
Here we go again  
The biggest show on earth,  
This is what we're worth;

Never mind what's right or wrong or just,  
Just give us our full portion

Then supersize it.

He'll stand for America  
Trumpet its specialness  
Around the world  
And make the impotent  
Feel important;  
Deliver a viagra shot  
Straight to their egos  
"Wherever he goes we go!"  
Drinking up his shiny TV reality  
In place of a harbour full of tea  
And the Great American Experiment  
Falters to a halt, stumbles and crumbles  
Comes tumbling down;  
It's the final season of Game of Thrones  
And Trump is wearing the crown;  
The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire  
The Walking Dead  
Big Brother is watching us all  
Watching this Talking Head.

12

What a relief it would be  
if some lard-corroded artery  
Even Katniss Everdeen's archery  
Sending swift arrows flying  
From a grassy knoll  
Could stop this party  
Before it gets really started,  
Before the Hunger Games finally begin.

Where's Aaron Burr  
when you need him?


End file.
